Domestic violence – there is hope for victims!
If you ask what should be considered a “domestic violence”, society in general and experts often disagree: while majority of people usually see only a physical effect, i.e. battering, the experts provide illustrative examples of psychological pressure on a woman by her abusive husband or cohabitant.
We rarely discuss psychological violence, and yet it is the first step to the physical form of domestic violence. Experience shows that before a husband raises his hand and starts beating his wife, as a rule, he is terrorizing her verbally for quite a long time. But it is almost impossible to guess at what point the constant abuse and insults escalate into a battering.
Why is it happening?
Most common reasons for domestic violence are the desire of man to assert himself and his attempts to manipulate, if an attempt to achieve what he wants from his wife does not work. Very often an abuser relieves emotional stress that way. But when the things are not improving, emerging anger and aggression are finding a vent in abusing those who are weaker.
If a woman, feeling helpless, decides to sacrifices her life for a man – for example, abandoning her previous interests or losing touch with a life – abuser feels it too and behaves appropriately. Therefore, in order to protect oneself, psychologists recommend that victim stand for her value and independence.
However, most of the victims do exactly the opposite and just continue to suffer – for the fear of the abuser, or feeling a pity for “poor lost soul“ that seem to be so honest when he apologizes and promises that this will not happen again…
What can be done if you are a victim of domestic violence?
First and foremost, psychologists recommend to stop hoping that this man will change and the conflict will never happen again. This is simply not true: the first time always is always followed by another, and then the third, etc. It is important to understand that the solution to the problem depends on each particular woman and her particular goals – i.e. if she wants to keep the family or not. If yes, it may make sense to help the abuser – for example, to teach him ways to deal with the outbreaks of emotions which provoke the battering.
If the outbreak of such aggression happens from time to time, and the woman has no clear certainty whether she needs this relationship, the lawyers recommend documenting each case of the battering. You should call an ambulance even with minor injuries. It can help to bring the abuser to justice and also in some cases to “tame” some abusers.
It is important for the victim of domestic violence to stop being a victim and get inner strength and self-sufficiency, otherwise domestic violence will last and moreover, the history can repeat again with a new partner if a woman enters into a new relationship.
How to recognize the abuser
It is clear that recognizing an abuser in time may be quite difficult, but some symptoms may indirectly rise a red flag. Therefore, in the early stages of relationship various experts usually recommend to pay attention to the following:
- Relationship of the parents in his family. If there were some incidents of domestic violence in the family of abuser, there is a high risk of recurrence of this scenario in his own relationship.
- How he responds to different life situations. If your partner is prone to aggression, he will not be able to hide it for a long time. Therefore, observe how he behaves in stressful situations, especially in relation to weaker – people with lower positions or minorities, whether he likes animals and so on.
- The level of his jealousy. Pathological jealous person often becomes a domestic abuser.
A chat with his friends also can help. Ask them about his childhood, how he manifested himself in the previous relationships – this information may also shed some light on what you should expect.