Emotional abuser. The ugly portrait.
Living with an emotional abuser can be really tricky and is far not for everybody. If a woman wants to be happy and loved, but her abusive partner is not going to change his behavior, the only way out of this situation is a divorce.
As a rule, such men carefully look after themselves and pay a lot of attention to their appearance. They may seem like having a high self-esteem (on the surface). Emotional abuser is always right about everything, never tolerates objections, and believes that he is the best in everything: he knows what to wear, what music to listen to, what to buy, what movies to watch and how to talk with, etc.
Nevertheless, with all his artificial superiority emotional abuser is weak. He is afraid to show the slightest weakness in dealing with others and hides it under the illusion of strength and aggression towards others. If we try to see the problem at its core, it becomes clear that abusive behavior is a subconscious repression of his weakness by means of aggression and pressure. This is a psychological complex, which occurred in result of traumatic past and has a negative continuation in the present. Thus, abusive behavior is not inherited, it appears for various reasons: adverse childhood experience (abusive mother or father, alcoholism of parents, physical violence, etc.), the circumstances of adult life (abusive wife, friend or boss, etc.).
People with low self-esteem rooted in subconsciousness are weak and adopt aggressive behavioral pattern of abuser in result of interaction with hostile world. Soon they begin to apply this pattern to new relationships with a woman, parents, children and others. Having suffered once, emotional abuser finds a victim for himself, a “doll”, who will bring the slippers and coffee in bed, a comfortable housewife. Emotional abuser also uses a pattern called “boa vs. rabbit” and start with exclusion of people around his victim.
At first the war with emotional abuser ends with manifestation of his temporal compliance and facile nature. As a bonus he will follow up with a generous forgiveness, good sex, helping or bringing presents. All this is to lure a wife deeper in the gripe of offender. Friends, hobbies and work remain in the past. And she already starts to tiptoe around the house to avoid discontent of her master without saying a single word, watching every action or gesture. He will blame his girlfriend or wife for initiating of all quarrels and scandals. The list of her shortcomings will be announced every day and regularly updated. The soul of the victim gets filled with fear and despair, she rushes about and suffers. When her husband comes home, it turns into a torture. You never know what will happen today – a quiet evening or yet another scandal?
Emotional abuser is a great manipulator. He convinces his wife that she is obliged to care of him only and the quality of his life, not even of their children, without showing the slightest care towards his wife. He successfully uses the methods of hidden coercion: gestures, facial expressions, demonstrative silence, showy bad mood, ignoring a professional success of his wife or her contribution to the housekeeping.
Emotional abuser is convinced that a woman cannot do anything on her own and do not know anything. He is not able to listen, he does not care about other people’s thoughts and feelings, but he is always ready to express negative judgments of others with a great pleasure in order to raise his self-esteem. Emotional abuser has no sense of humor, he cannot laugh at himself, but he will always laugh at others ecstatically. Criticism is extremely painful for this kind of man, he always tries to take a stand and categorically express his view, even if he realized that is wrong. At the same time, he is not interested in the opinion and attitudes of others, especially of his wife. He is interested in himself and his problems only and will always emphasize his superiority.
People of this type are not going to change. Everything is acceptable for them and they will constantly look for another victim to improve their self-esteem. They are afraid of strong and successful people: near them they feel at a loss and become victims themselves.
Thus, if a woman wants to be happy and understand that her abusive husband does not even think of changing his behavior, she needs to leave him without hesitations.