Emotional trauma and women. What can be done?
Increasingly, modern women face problems of privacy and wonder about the origin of their problems and difficulties. These women complain that these privacy problems do not allow for lasting and close relationship with men and, in general, with other people. They prevents them to live and work, and most importantly — to feel happy.
Many of them were subjected to emotional trauma as a child because of a broken relationship in a family. Someone might have a bad relationship with father or mother. Someone may have for one reason or another lost one parent, and therefore is not able to capture in my memory the image of a complete family relationships and it’s values.
I think that for the sake of clarity, it may be wise to take a brief excursion to see how a female emotional trauma could be caused.
The fact is that in the process of growing up the daughter in her emotional and spiritual development to a large extent depends on her relationship to the father and the mother. The role of the mother in the education of girls is very important. These relationships begin in the womb and they make extremely strong influence on all spheres of daughter’s life.
From the very first seconds of life, mother gives her child the most important thing in his life – a sense of basic security, unconditional love and acceptance. Which are later assigned and stored within subconscious mind as self-reliance and self-confidence, a positive decision making ability, and ability to care about oneself as well as others. Maternal figure as the first one that gives a sense of belonging and caring, and the first feeling of readiness for learning about surrounding world. For a girl an image of a mother is an image of herself as a woman, as a mother, which is laid on a subconscious level. The mother is able to help the girl to develop her emotions, femininity and ability to take care of others.
Much depends on the perception of a father’s figure, and in the future, it will create a model of how a daughter will build relationships with other men. Sometimes mother is authoritarian, too strict and tirelessly controls all aspects of daughter’s life despite her growing up, or too alarming, and takes care of the daughter too much, overriding any manifestation of independence. In this case, girl will not unconditionally accept and support the example of femininity and care in the family, and this will cause fear and anxiety, feelings of guilt, as well as negative perceptions of herself and the world.
Father is the first male figure in a girl’s life, from which she forms the first model of her inner male, and, ultimately, of a man that she will look for in the future, including for the purpose of building family relationships. If the father figure is good, he will support girl’s individuality, a feeling of uniqueness and independence. It is his attitude toward femininity, and women in general, that will determine what kind of woman will grow out of his daughter. Will she be dependent and suppressed, or independent, strong, but not able to love and to bind; or self-sufficient, caring, feminine and emotionally warm.
His attitude towards work and achieving of success will be installed in a girl too. Traditionally it is the father’s influence that shapes girl’s ideals and her model of inner authority and self-organization and determines the degree of determination and responsibility. Therefore, if the father is in constant fear, feel like a failure, does not adhere to its own ideals, is aggressive and suppresses others, it will all be affecting a girl too. All this affects the attitude of daughter to these aspects of life and in its extreme manifestation, it can be very traumatic to child’s psyche, enclosing it in the “trap” of internal fears and conflicts.
And then there is emotional trauma, which seem to be suppressed, but it is in fact keeping to accompany a woman for life. Manifestations of emotional trauma in women are different.
Daughter of parents who start a family while not feeling complete and self-sufficient, may subconsciously seek for ways to become successful. They absorb the constant parental disapproval and try to compensate for it becoming too demanding of themselves, striving to achieve perfection and keep everything under tight control. Such a woman is looking for ambitious, successful men, who, in fact, turn out to be unreliable and unable to provide the necessary care and support. Finally, after indulging in pleasures, tired of the endless career and desire to succeed, she realizes that she wants to stop, to learn to trust others and to create a real family, but, unfortunately, does not know how to do it.
When parents are unhappy in marriage and are not very consistent in their affairs and aspirations – the daughter does not have a proper example of a successful adult life pattern, and is doomed to forming an unsuccessful life. In this situation, a woman is always haunted by the feeling that everything in life will end in failure. They pursue absolutely all spheres of life in both personal and professional. In fact, in such cases, the daughter unconsciously repeats life scenario of her parents.
Sometimes a woman’s life with the emotional trauma is similar to the rebellion against the authoritarian parents. In contrast to the authoritarian and strictly limited rules of life in the family, her life is like a perpetual holiday of freedom and permissiveness. For example, it may be an endless parties, substances abuse and free lifestyle, but at the same time a sense of loneliness and lack of sense of the development of the individual. In such a situation, as in the other two, it is very difficult to go like this for a long time and sooner or later, with no exception, comes the realization and the desire to stop. However, it is very difficult to do it yourself, as traumatic experiences do not allow to break the cycle of neurotic feelings.
These are just some examples of the women’s emotional trauma, in fact there are different forms of it. However, these women always have several things in common, regardless of their lifestyle and financial well-being: the feeling of loneliness, emptiness inside, the lack of internal psychological development and the ability to trust others, and hence to build a close and harmonious relationship of trust with the men. Because these women are not ready to let someone else in their inner world, their options for relations with men are rather limited. Getting into a vicious circle formed by the emotional trauma, they may fall in love with married men, they may get into bad relationships, or sometimes even enter into short-lived marriages that do not feel happy.
You can break the circle and get rid of your emotional trauma, but that would require quite a lot of work and effort. Fortunately there are some new great tools that can allow you to achieve quite significant internal changes and get rid of your emotional trauma. Your life is in your hands.