Emotionally abusive mothers. Any chance for victims?
Very often we don’t pay attention or don’t want to notice the emotional abuse. We just go by when we see an emotionally abusive mother, who humiliates or beats her child in front of everyone “for bad behavior and disobedience”. We pretend not to hear the noise when the neighbors scold their children, raising their voice and changing it into swearing and even beatings. We used to not interfere in the affairs of others and thus leave the kid alone with his childhood nightmares.
First of all, let us look at the forms of abuse and its causes. There is a physical and psychological abuse. Physical abuse is more or less familiar to us. Somehow, each of us has faced with it. We watch the physical violence on television and other media sources and it includes the severe punishment and beatings. Then the scratches, bites, bruises, hematomas, bone fractures or brain concussion are left.
While the physical abuse can be recognized and negatively evaluated, emotional abuse usually is hard to distinguish. We often treat it as a special kind of education, cruel education, but still. Meanwhile, emotional abuse is a painful experience and has the same negative effect on personality formation as the physical violence. Emotional abuse is manifested in humiliation, insults, destruction of child’s self-esteem, suppression of it personality, interests, hobbies and desires. In this case, parental authority is like a poison. Most people, who have suffered abuse in childhood, speak of their parents in this way: “Even now, when I grew up and have my own family, I can’t deny my mother or say No to her”.
What happens to a child? Its world becomes full of fear, terror and anxiety. Such children are lonely, frightened and distrustful. As a rule, emotionally abusive mothers take it out on their sons because of the bad marriage, failures in their personal life and hatred for the male sex. The girls suffer from their mothers, as the latter treat them like a threat or competitor. As a result, girls have problems with their femininity. This situation worsens if both parents support violence at home, and the child is faced with the feeling of hopelessness.
Usually, emotionally abusive mothers are copying a behavior pattern of their families. Thus, the domestic violence is passed down from one generation to another. In this period of life a child gets a bunch of psychological traumas (childhood trauma). Such children have learning and communicative problems, trust issues. The feeling of fear and anxiety never leaves them and hinder from enjoying life to the fullest.
Often children try to seek a way out of such a difficult situation on their own. And it’s great if a child finds a hobby or affection. They have a strong need to hold onto something in this world. It would be best if a child could find someone, who would love him/her sincerely and selflessly. Usually, these are grandparents, neighbors, relatives, teachers or friends. They could be a great support for a child.
Very rarely, children go to the social services. But there are worse options, when a child falls under the influence of street life, absorbing all the negativity. For the internal stress children become very aggressive themselves. This stress comes out in the form of anger. These children often are in a conflict with law. If the internal stress is too high and the child cannot cope with it, then suicide becomes the only way out. As was previously mentioned, we tend to adopt the behavior pattern of our family and transfer it to our own family. Thus, as a parent, the child becomes an abuser, so the roles are changing.
If you have faced with violence – don’t be indifferent and lend a helping hand. Emotionally abusive mothers may need help as well, no matter how strange it might sound. Children are not just our future, they form our society and this situation can be changed only by changing our attitude to the phenomenon of domestic emotional abuse.