Psychological abuse. How to stop being a victim.
When people talk about the domestic violence, as a rule, it involves some form of physical violence such as battering. And there is only one way for the victim – to run away as far as possible. But psychological abuse is more subtle thing. Psychological abuse can drive the victim in a state of chronic stress and depression.
What is psychological abuse and how to distinguish it from quarrels?
Psychological abuse usually manifests at different levels of control – an abuser controls the behavior of the victim, her thoughts and emotions. Control of behavior includes the requirements for reporting on the time spent, especially in case of delays or any unforeseen accidents. Abuser decides with whom the victim keeps the company and chooses friends for her by himself. A victim is inflicted little by little with values that are beneficial to the abuser.
Destruction of personal power of the victim is achieved when positive emotions suddenly change to negative. In most cases, the victim is blaming herself, and thus she becomes an ideal material for the deformation of her personality.
If you think that the abuser is always tough macho, you are wrong. Sometimes psychological abuse is caused by women or children who try to manipulate adults, and sometimes by parents. Originally abuser demonstrates passionate feelings, and then gradually he starts to control everything – under the pretext of jealousy or concerns. He can manipulate her friends and relatives, causing relations to brake. He can even seemingly sacrifice his interests for purpose of causing guilt in victim. The victim feels stupid or worthless because she dared to upset such a wonderful person.
Gradually, the victim begins to live in a full dependence from her abuser and believes that she will be lost in this world without him. As a rule the abuser tries to choose bright and strong personalities for the role of his victim and breaks their will, which helps him feel stronger.
How to distinguish the true caring from the psychological abuse?
You can distinguish psychological abuse from genuine caring only by your feelings. If your partner really cares about you, this gives you a feeling of peace, while the psychological abuse wakes a feeling of guilt and hopelessness.
How one can get out of this vicious circle of psychological abuse?
First of all, it is necessary to assess the situation objectively. Try to avoid asking opinion of your friends or relatives – they are judgmental. After all you need an objective assessment to find out what’s really going on – is it psychological abuse or just an ordinary family crisis. Therefore, we suggest you to contact a psychologist.
Let’s say a psychologist confirms that your partner is using psychological abuse. You cannot change the abuser, he would not listen. It may be difficult to find an influential person among friends or relatives who will help to solve this problem, so there may be only one way left – to break the relationship.
Leaving the abuser is often difficult; he will go any length to keep his favorite toy by his side. Try not to talk to him – it will be difficult to resist his promises. Therefore, the most important thing is to find support. It is also recommended to talk with an experienced psychologist before making new relationships. First of all, psychologist will help you to get out of depression, and then he will help you to analyze the situation and explain why you became the victim of psychological abuse.