PTSD and relationships. What can be done?
It happens quite often, that the main cause of the family crisis is former participation of husband in military conflicts. Anyone, who participated in combat operations and failed to adjust to a peaceful life, has come through so-called combat fatigue, which led to the development of maladjustment. The battle exhaustion is severe psychological trauma caused by short-term or long-term exposure of psychogenic factors in the battle conditions. The direct fire exposure, battle casualties, deaths and injuries of comrades – all of these factors have serious effects on the combatant, depending on its individual psychological characteristics. Thus, a problem of PTSD and relationships is born.
Unfortunately, most participants of military operations rarely seek medical help, unlike their loved ones.
Experience shows that, despite the assumed ability of close people to accept the role of psychologist, often the opposite occurs. In addition, the parents, wives and relatives of the combatant themselves need a psychological help and rehabilitation.
There is a number of essential points, which explain why the family members and friends are not able to realize the potential of psychological aid. Speaking of love for the family and close people, we often do not realize that our attitude towards them is just a reflection of a self-love. All that we do for them – we do for ourselves, first of all. This happens unconsciously, due to sincere belief in completely unselfish relationships. People believe that all their efforts are directed for the benefit of their loved ones, which is a lie (even though unconscious lie). This statement may seem unusual, but still all above is worth considering.
Sometimes the spouses may think of a divorce as the only way out of the crisis situation. Especially, if one spouse commits acts of violence against his children. In order to protect her own children, the mother has to isolate the aggressor from the family.
Combatant fathers are the special type of people. The war dramatically changes a person. And very often the causes of the family conflict are not only psychological problems of the war participant, but the subconscious rejection of his relatives, and their failure to accept him as he is. Wives, parents, close people are trying to get of their beloved person some familiar reactions and behavior. However, they often remain unmindful or even ignore his new ego, which he is trying to demonstrate. You must accept these changes – with all his flashbacks, directness and internal discomfort.
Here are some recommendations of experts for the servicemen wives who are experiencing a problem of PTSD and relationships:
- Attentive and sincere listening of your partner of what he had to go through. It is important to let him talk with moral support of a loved person.
- Assistance and support of husband attempts to return his psychologically normal and ordinary life;
- Demonstration of care and patience for the problems of husband, his psychological discomfort, increased irritability, on the possibility of prolonged depression, etc. This is temporary, you need to help him cope with this problems;
- Acceptance of the fact that both spouses have changed during the separation. You need more understanding, more patience and more time to get used to each other again;
- Special attention to children. It is important that your children were not left without due care and attention;
- Creation of favorable surroundings. Make it clear to your partner, that you need him and you’ll meet his needs as well;
- Discourage the use of alcohol of your husband. Show delicacy and try to let him know, that alcohol is destructive not for him alone, but for your relationships and the whole family as well.