Verbally abusive husband – any chance to change him?
If the passion in your relationships has faded long ago replaced by abuse and humiliation (and even beating) – does it really make sense to be tied to such a partner? The best solution would be to leave. If you are satisfied with everything in general, except some abuse – you can try to help your partner to cope with this problem and change his behavior.
It happens sometimes, that soon after a wedding, women begin to treat their husbands as a property. A wife may forbid her husband to meet with his friends, ridicules him with excessive mothering. In this case, you may drive a man into a corner, and this will trigger his natural instinct to defend himself. And he successfully makes it abusing you, showing the strength and independence. So don’t try to press your partner too hard, and don’t ever force him to defend himself from the closest person – his wife. If you have something that is bothering you in your relationships, it is better to sit down and talk calmly.
Why is he a verbally abusive husband?
One of the possibilities is that this behavioral pattern was copied from his parents. Your husband may abuse you because he is used to such manners in his family. Unfortunately, here you can’t do much without a help of a professional or serious self-help work on his side. Your verbally abusive husband have this pre-programmed in his subconscious mind because of this was accepted as a norm in his family, he saw his mother as a victim, and he is now expecting you to be a victim too.
Pathological abusers like to hurt people. Typically, this desire is accompanied with the presence of various psychological disorders of different severity. In this case a sincere talk or tears won’t help you. The only way is to leave, completely burning all bridges. It may be a wise idea to change your phone number and a place of work if needed; otherwise he may be tempted to keep stalking you.
Is it possible to change a verbally abusive husband?
The main tool for “treatment” is conversation. You must accurately explain your discontent to your husband and describe the degree of negative emotions and a pain caused. A truly loving man will understand that his behavior is hurting his beloved wife, and start looking for ways to change it.
Be prepared for the fact that you won’t get rid of the problems at once. Even by taking his psyche under the full control, verbally abusive husband will not be able to guarantee the absence of his “breakdowns” in the beginning. So, your task will be to try to prevent such “breakdowns”. Do not push on your partner and do not force him to accept any decisions. He needs to feel your love and respect, not anger and indifference.
If you feel the growing tension in your relationships, do not ask stupid questions and do not make a child of him. Such “baby talks” bring nothing but anger. Just hug him and ask how his working day was. Do not interfere with him if he needs to be alone with his thoughts. Give him a break: bring a cup of tea and a warm blanket. When he wakes up, he will be more likely to talk about his troubles.
What will a psychologist suggest if you have a verbally abusive husband? Sometimes he can prescribe some light anti-stress medication. Your husband should start drinking mint teas, or teas with lemongrass. These herbs reduce possibility of attacks of aggression, they help with insomnia and they are relaxing and calming in general.
And remember, in this struggle with his temper a husband must always rely on his wife. This is a difficult battle to win, and full support and encouragement is needed.