Why do women stay in abusive relationships and how to escape from abusive husband?
In truth, for an experienced eye, traits of the future abusive husband can be seen in advance, long before the long-awaited wedding takes place. In order to understand that you are dealing with a psychological abuser, it is enough at the very beginning of your relationship to take a closer look at your chosen one. Pay close attention to the way he communicates with parents, colleagues, and especially how he treats women in general. This may give you early warning signs that could help you to avoid getting into serious trouble, or even save your life.
These are typical signs of an abusive husband.
1. The authority of men is undeniable! A woman should be obedient and never complain, as they say, she should know her place. This attitude toward the opposite sex can occur if the father of your husband in his family gives him a “bad example” of disrespect for women, and especially to his mother. Well, if you see that your man does not respect his mother, and he had not been taught to respect a mother when he was a child, it is quite possible that the problem will repeat in your family too.
2. An attitude that he is the only owner and keeper of the house. No joint decision-making in the family can be considered. He is authoritarian, he is the boss and he announces his decisions in the form of an ultimatum.
3. Another characteristic trait of abusive husbands is a systematic humiliation and psychological pressure on all family members, whether wife, children or any relatives living together. The purpose of this behavior is simple – to increase their own self-esteem. Because it is always easier to be strong among the weak and humiliated, than to be strong among the strong.
It is especially difficult for a woman when her husband is the only person in the family that brings money into the house, for example, in a situation where the wife is on maternity leave. Then she will see an endless stream of complaints — here it is dirty, there are crumbs on the table, there is a dust behind the cupboard, his shirt is not ironed well enough and in general, everything is not the way he wants it.
4. Total control. A woman should always give a detailed report where she have been, where does she go, whom does she meet and why. And there are “very advanced” cases where abusive husband requires such reports not only from his wife, but also from all women he considers his property (mother-in-law, mother, daughter, etc.). Only in this way he feels his power and right to decide for any woman in the family, where she can go, whom to meet, what to do. Well, as usual, any attempt to defend their freedom meet his aggression.
So why do women stay in abusive relationships?
Many girls at the initial stage of relationships may see that their man is not what they thought he would be. So why do they still marry tyrants and continue for years to come to live with them and suffer all kinds of humiliation?
In simple terms, if there are tyrants in our world, there must be victims. Such a relationship is a kind of unspoken psychological agreement of both parties. No wonder many women continue to live with their abusive husbands for years, suffer beatings or psychological violence, but do not go away from them.
Go to any women’s forum, look for a similar topic, and you’ll see it yourself. Yes – it is bad, yes — it is terrible, yes — it hurts. What should I do? Leave an abusive husband? Oh no, that’s not easy… I can not, because … and here comes a whole bunch of reasons and excuses that a woman comes up out of thin air. Strictly speaking, this is a position of the victim.
What should you do if you do not want to be a victim or how to escape from from abusive husband?
Actually, the answer to the question “What should I do?” can already be seen in the question of our subtitle. The only option in this situation, if you do not want to continue being a victim of a tyrant, is to leave your husband, with all his psychological “features” and problems.
It is impossible to fight against an abuse in a family!
No attempts to adjust your own behavior will help, for one simple reason – it’s not you, it’s him who is the problem! He is an abuser not because you look bad, or because you don’t cook good enough, or not because you do not sexually please him often enough (the list is endless), but simply because he is a abuser. Simple as that.
However, do not expect that he will just go away. There is always some joint property, children, dogs, and so on. And a real tyrant will never easily let go of his prey. If you decide to leave your abusive husband, be prepared to threats or, on the contrary, to a complete change in behavior and lies like “I realized I was wrong, I love you more than a life itself, please forgive me, this will not happen again.”
By the way, here is the most common mistake that victims make. Woman buy his imaginary remorse, returns to the home of abuser, but the fairytale does not happen! Everything works exactly the opposite way. Abusers begins to revenge for the humiliation he experienced (well, of course it was humiliation, because he was almost begging on his knees) and family situation becomes even more unbearable.
So, if you’re tired of being a victim, get your life in your own hands and go from abusive husband to a brighter future. If you have fears and doubts, use help of professional psychologist, or engage in self-therapy. You can get your life back.